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This is hard....
sad
ddr_ho
Things have been kind of difficult.

 

Short version: Mother found unresponsive a few weeks ago. I had been worried about a suicide attempt for a few days previous to this, and I still think it was, though she doesn’t remember much about those days and says she just took too many because she was in pain. (Interestingly, once she had detoxed from the opioids, she wasn’t in great pain.) She didn’t even remember having a fall, where 4 EMTs helped her back up. She was in the ICU, then Trauma Step-Down, then… home.

 

Which is ridiculous. The doctor knew she wasn’t ready, and so did everyone else. But she insisted. And I get it, to an extent. If she goes to rehab for a month, she loses her insurance and is switched to Medicaid. Then it would take her a year to get her “good” insurance back, which includes having an aide. But the conversation we had, while the doctor was there, was her insisting on going home, and I and the doctor agreeing it wasn’t safe, that she was a fall risk, that she wasn’t strong enough, and she would just end up back in the hospital. She insisted she would work hard (with PT at home) and get stronger.

 

Sunday I went to visit, and it was obvious she wasn’t going to get stronger. She was back to taking pills and sleeping all day.

 

Yesterday her aide called me and said there had been another fall, and she was sleeping all day. I went by after work, and could barely get her to wake up at all. It was just this side of calling 911. She asked what time it was, asked who I was (I got closer and she said, “Mary?”), and then went back to sleep.

 

Honestly, I’ve just been really angry. I know there are a lot of other emotions in there, but I am so mad at her for being stubborn and not getting the help she needs.

 

Her aide found her this morning similar to how I left her, except she had also thrown up. EMTs wanted to take her to the hospital, but she refused. I am at my wit’s end. I had to bite off saying, “Just let her die, that’s what she wants.”

 

But I’m doing the so-called Right Thing, and trying to get in touch with the medical social worker assigned to the case. (The doctor made it clear that if mom didn’t get better, the social worker would make the arrangements for rehab.) I will probably also have to start working toward getting Power of Attorney.

 

All this sucks so much.

 

If she had gone to rehab, she would still have a chance of living on her own. At this rate, she’s going to go straight to assisted living. I just want to scream.

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Just writing to say that I've read your post and wow, that's a lot to have manage. I know I can't say anything to change it but I'm sorry you're going through such a rough time.

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